I am looking at you, Adam Reynolds. You are the senior player in the Broncos, respected by the lot of them as a fine man who has been around the block twenty times. Your job is to take Walsh out for a bite to eat and talk to him one-on-one. Tell him: mate, you have it all before you. Don’t blow it with this kind of carry-on. Play. Shut up. Concentrate. Keep growing. Give Walsh the correction he needs, that actually can’t come from the judiciary as much as their three-match suspension was warranted. It comes from senior players taking him in hand. You are the man. Dr Chris Nowinski, Mark Carroll, James Graham, Peter FitzSimons and Ian Roberts. Toovey’s the toughest say those who know best At a tight dinner on Monday evening for the Australian Concussion Legacy Foundation - hosted by Dr Chris Nowinski and Dr Adrian Cohen- TFF did a little light palling around with Ian Roberts, Mark “Spud” Carroll and James Graham. While chatting to Ian and Spud afterwards, I posed the question of “Who was the toughest bastard you ever played with or against?”

At the same time, and with no consultation, they both said, flatly: “Geoff Toovey.” Yes, the famous Manly halfback has always been acknowledged as pound-for-pound, fracture-for-fracture, one of the hardest and toughest players to ever pull on a boot. But still, I pushed back, a little. Brad Fittler and Geoff Toovey in 1998. Credit: Craig Golding “Really? The toughest?” Spud waved a dismissive hand.

“The toughest. Mate, just look at him. He’s the only halfback who ever played with cauliflower ears! He was always putting his head in where he had no business being, and just never stopped. THE toughest.” Fair enough. Cate Blanchett at the 2023 Oscars. Credit: Invision If Keith Richards says you have a noted capacity for hard drugs, you do. If Cate Blanchett says you can really act, you can.

And if Spud Carroll and Ian Roberts say you are the toughest footballer to pull on a boot, you are. I’ll agree with NASA. I’ve also never faced Patrick Patterson. You know what it’s like. Even as you watch the Ashes through the night, you’re still having the odd doze. And every time you come to, one commentator or another is carrying on about how the ball should be swinging “with this cloud cover”/ “on this green top”/ “with this heat and humidity”.

On and on into the ever etcetera! Such discussions have been going on for decades and are always delivered in learned tones which bespeak those commentators having spent eons on such pitches. This gives them an expertise you and I can’t even get close to. But here’s the thing. Scientists have been saying for just as long that it is all a nonsense, as proven by endless tests. They say the very idea that a ball travelling at over 130 km/hour can be affected in its path by whether or not there is a cloud 5 km above it is simply absurd. Not quite as absurd as the idea that the ball could swing because of the colour of the pitch, or the heat and humidity, but close! I know, I know. You disagree. You think it is something to do with the air being thicker, and so the ball swings, yes?

But it’s nonsense. Don’t take my word for it – I have no expertise whatsoever. Listen to Dr. Rabi Mehta, NASA scientist, who says, “How many times have you heard cricket commentators refer to humid or damp conditions as constituting a ‘heavy’ atmosphere? This implies an increased air density, and it turns out that the side force on a cricket ball is directly proportional to the air density. Well, the fact is that humid air is actually less dense than dry air ...” Steve Smith inspects the Lord’s pitch. Credit: Getty Got yers, yes! Nicked it outside off-stump! Dr Mehta, from NASA did I mention, is dismissive of all such cricket theories about weather conditions having anything to do with the ball swinging. There are many factors, but weather and colour of the pitch don’t count.

I repeat: we have been had with this kind of talk! Just as we have been had on endless chatter on whether or not the pitch will take spin on the fifth day – another commentating staple. A few years back Adam Gilchrist said he never looked at the state of a pitch before the beginning of a game because he never had the slightest clue about whether it would take spin on the fifth day because it was unknowable. And he is Adam Gilchrist! And Steve Waugh once said he never looked at the hand of a wrist spinner to see which way the ball comes out to try to work out whether it’s going to be a flipper, googly, wrong’un, or whatever. No time! And when you think about it, doesn’t that make sense? Could a batsman really have time to look at the wrist position of a spinner to determine what kind of a ball it will be, rather than fiercely concentrating on the ball itself? Mind you, when I did a story for Channel Nine thirty years ago on the nonsense about cloud cover and quoted a physicist blowing the nonsense away, I also asked Waugh himself who was equally insistent that it was true, saying something like “He’s never faced Patrick Patterson on a cloudy day!” Yup. But perhaps should mention for this piece - Dr Mehta once opened the bowling with Imran Khan!

What They Said West Coast Eagles captain Luke Shuey, after the Swans put an extraordinary 205 points on them: “We’ve got a chance to prove to people this week that that is not the side we are. We need to be better for our young guys.” Eagles coach Adam Simpson when asked who he could lean on for support: “I wish I could say my wife, but she’s not talking to me at the moment either.” Nick Kyrgios in response that the Saudis may be coming for tennis: “Finally. They see the value. We are going to get paid what we deserve to get paid. Sign me up.” Nup. Wrong call.

Reece Walsh defending himself on social media, after abusing the ref: “I Was not talking too the ref, I clearly say that !! Can also see patty come over and talk too me !!” Polish tennis player Magda Linette after a newspaper cartoon of her had quite the exaggerated nose: “Poznan Open, not helping me in my search for a husband. Not helping.” (Spin) king of all he surveyed: Alex Williams as Shane Warne. Credit: John Tsiavis/Nine Alex Williams on playing Shane Warne in the execrabletwo-part telemovie on Channel Nine, owners of this masthead, etc: “Once I read the script I knew immediately that it was made with love and was a celebration of his life ... For those people who don’t feel like it’s time for them to watch it, then don’t watch it. But for a lot of people, I feel like it’ll be a really nice reminder and a celebration of his life.” Hamish McLennan on Joseph Suaalii: “He’ll sell out stadiums. He’s like the Tom Brady of rugby. I acknowledge that the headline number seems a lot, but he’s a once-in-a-generation player and I think he will bring more fans back to rugby. He’s absolutely worth it.” Hope so. As we speak, that claim seems a bit shaky.

Israel Folau on being boo-ed at Twickenham: “It didn’t really rattle me at all. It was a great experience and a great week to play with some top internationals and be coached by one of the best coaches in world rugby in Steve Hansen.” Cricket Australia CEO Nick Hockley: “The last two Test matches have shown what Test cricket means to people. The last few days I’ve been inundated with messages both for the World Test Championship and the first Ashes Test from across the cricket world, so 150 years since the very first match is a really meaningful moment, a big milestone.” Eddie Jones revving up the Wallabies at training on the Gold Coast. Credit: Getty Eddie Jones on picking his Wallabies squad: “The back row was tight, standoff was tight, halfbacks was tight. There was a few of them, so there’s been a few sleepless nights.” Broncos coach Kevin Walters on Ben Hunt joining after they lost to the Titans: “Do you think he’d want to come to this club after watching that? I wouldn’t have thought so.”

Lionel Messsi: “I have nothing left to achieve, I’ve achieved everything.” Ian Chappell on Ian Botham on the Channel Nine documentary The Longest Feud : “I’ve had mates say ‘why don’t you just make up’ and I say ‘well, firstly, if he wants to apologise for the lies he has told I would accept that, but why would I make up and be friends with a guy who I have nothing in common with, I think his commentary is the worst of the long-term commentators, I have no interest in his interests and I have nothing to talk to him about’.” Such rants were tedious. The old footage spliced with it made it much more interesting. Lance Armstrong (right) follows teammate Floyd Landis during the 2004 Tour de France. Credit: AP US journalist Victoria Brownworth on Lance Armstrong carrying on about how unfair it was for trans athletes to compete in sport: “Man who was stripped of all his competitive awards for years of cheating in his sport thinks he’s uniquely qualified to claim the tiny number of trans women athletes (fewer than 100 in the US) has unfair advantage and claims it – not doping – is THE issue in sport today. Sit down.” What she said. Team of the Week

Australian women’s cricket team. Won the Ashes Test, beating England by 89 runs Trent Bridge, in no small part due to all-rounder Ash Gardner taking 8-66 in the second innings. Loading Crusaders. Super Rugby champs – again. They’ve now won it a dozen times. Everyone else going back to 1996 has won it just fourteen times. West Coast Eagles. Our Swannies sold them down their Swannie River, putting 200 points on them. I think this is what rock bottom looks like. Adelaide Thunderbirds. Play the winner of Swifts and Fever in next week’s Grand Final.

NRL. The Top 8 are all within four points of each other. The Dragons. A leaderless rabble, from top to bottom are an embarrassment to the NRL. Amen Thompson. The fourth pick in the NBA draft, has a fabulous name! Arisa Trew. The 13 year-old Australia skateboarder became the first female to land a 720. Jason Belmonte. The two-handed Australian tenpin bowler became the first PBA Tour player to roll three perfect 300 games on live TV.

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